As the New Year unfolds, I start working on my goals for 2008. I hope you set up some goals too, but I will talk about the importance of goals, purpose and values another time. Today I just want to share with you my thoughts on friendship. What friendships have to do with goals and detox? A lot!
If you are really serious about achieving your goals, checking the mindset of your friends is essential. If their mindset is not in alignment with yours, they will rather be an obstacle on your way to succeed. How to check their mindset? Ask yourself, if they themselves have goals they are working on? Are they supportive, uplifting and a source of inspiration to you? Do you feel nurtured?
Here are some practical examples to illustrate my points: let’s say you want to quit smoking and start a healthier lifestyle. It takes already all your willpower and determination, and the response you’re getting from some of your friends may sound something like: why you want to do this, smoking is fun and we’ll die anyway, or they keep on smoking in your presence, or try to challenge you by offering you cigarettes …I would consider this a non supportive behavior.
Now, I would call a real friend someone that would acknowledge your desire and would, let’s say rather meets in the park than dragging you to a smoky bar. Or, for instance, you’re thinking about changing career path, because you want to look for a more fulfilling work and you feel you got stuck where you are. Now, are your friend’s reactions something like: Oh, that’s daring but a great idea. Can I help you brainstorming? How can I be of assistance? Or is it rather like: Ah, why do you bother? You’re already so old and that’s just how life is, you have to arrange yourself. Nobody will hire you and all the effort will be for nothing!
I think you got my point. So, friends can be neutral, supportive or impairing. On your way to fulfill your goals, you want to make sure you’ll surround yourself with as many as possible of your supporting friends. You might even have to look for new ones. It is very motivating to be with people which are already there where you want to be. The question remains, what to do with the ones that are exhibiting a rather impairing behavior? Please understand, that consciously they don’t mean to harm you!
They’re just expressing their own fear of change and they are most probably not even aware of it. I believe it’s always worth a try to express how you feel and how you would like them to be with you. But more for your own satisfaction, that you’ve done something to save the friendship. In my experience, in most of the cases it will not work, because you want them to change against their established but unconscious believe system, which they feel very comfortable with (even if it harms them!)
Therefore, don’t be too disappointed if they are not able or willing to change. You’ll have to learn to let them go or withdraw yourself – at least for the time being. Sometimes, this might trigger something within them and could initiate a change in perception, but I would not count on it. But taking a stand for your own advancement and being authentic to yourself will give you a motivational boost that will also attract more like minded people into your life.
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